


Better Than That

by kooky500



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Break Up, Drugging, Episode: s1e04 Crème Brulée, Happy Ending, Homophobic Language, I REGRET NOTHING, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Non-Consensual Kissing, Non-Consensual Touching, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rape/Non-con Elements, Stalking(mentioned), don't know yet, maybe..., tags are harder than I thought
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-08-29 21:58:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8506966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kooky500/pseuds/kooky500
Summary: AU- Phillip breaks it off with Lukas at the end of ep 4. A few days later, an ex of Phillips shows up in town, as part of a statewide student exchange program, and is interested in getting back together with the brunette. How will Lukas react to this? How will Phillip?





	1. All too Well

_‘Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much. And maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you tore it all up.’ – All Too Well, Taylor Swift_

Phillip repressed the urge to pull away as he felt Luka’s hand on his shoulder. He knew what he had to do, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. He had to end whatever it was they had between them.

 

 _“…come on, I can teach you how to ride a motorbike…”_ Lukas was speaking, while Phillip zoned out. Taking a deep breath, Phillip took a step back when Lukas motioned for him to follow. He didn’t miss how Lukas winced at that.

 

“I can’t do this anymore.” Phillip blurted out, looking anywhere else but Lukas.

 

Lukas huffed out a laugh. “What do you mean? Motocross?”

 

Phillip resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He gestured between the two of them. “This. Us. Look, I told you to make your choice and you did, Lukas.” He clarified, looking at the ground. Lukas didn’t respond for a while. Ignoring the pain in his chest, Phillip took that as his cue to leave.

As the brunette turned away, Lukas grabbed his wrist.

 

“Wait! Please I-I’m just going through some shit, alright? Come on Phillip, don’t do this. That-that thing with Rose, you know I didn’t mean it. I’m not into her, I swear.” Lukas pleaded.

 

“You think I don’t get that? You don’t think I haven’t been in your situation?!” Phillip spun around, shaking off the other boy’s hand. Phillip almost flinched at the hurt in the other boy’s eyes.

 

“Everyone has issues, Lukas. But, just because you’re having issues doesn’t mean that you get to string Rose and I along. I’m sick of being thrown around and treated like your toy. Stop making everyone else deal with your problems, Lukas. Deal with your issues however you want, but leave me out of it.” The brunette spat.

“Look, you know I like you, Lukas. But you obviously don’t feel the same so I’m done pretending like you do.” Phillip said, resigned. Lukas gaped at him.

 

“What do you mean? I- I’m not-.” _Of course, Lukas would still deny it even now._

 

“Look, you obviously have some issues with yourself that you need to sort out. But I think that you should do that on your own… without me.” Phillip interrupted, raising his hands.

 

 Lukas swallowed. “What do you mean by that?” His voice was unusually thick. Phillip sighed. _This was the hard part._

 

“This- this thing…this, whatever between us, it’s over. We’re done.” Ignoring the way the blonde’s head shot up at that, Phillip turned and walked off. Lukas didn’t stop him this time, and Phillip didn’t know whether to feel sad or relieved.

If Helen or Gabe noticed something was wrong when Phillip came home, they didn’t say anything.

 

Phillip avoided Lukas entirely at school the next day, not even sparing the blonde a glance. As his last period ended, Phillip felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Thinking it was Lukas; Phillip felt a surge of anger as he pulled out his phone.

 **From: Bryan**  
_‘Hey, I want to talk to you. I know that we didn’t exactly work out so well before… but I want to try again._  
_I really do like you, and I promise to put more effort in this time._  
_Our school is doing an exchange program with the surrounding areas, and guess who got selected? ;) It has something about making friends outside of our school, I think; I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention…_  
_Anyway, I was thinking that maybe I could stay with you and your foster family while I’m in town if that’s cool? :)'_

 Phillip blinked, staring at the phone. Well, he certainly wasn’t expecting that, though it wasn’t entirely unwelcome. Before Phillip had been relocated by the foster system, he and Bryan had been together back in the city. The two had fallen apart due to numerous factors, but Phillip moving out of the city had been the straw that broke the camel’s back. Phillip would be lying if he said a part of him didn’t miss Bryan. A traitorous voice in his mind whispered, _but what about Lukas_? Phillip steeled himself. Lukas had made his choice, and it certainly wasn’t Phillip. No, it was time for him to move on.

 **To: Bryan**  
_‘Yeah, I think I’d like to try again too. I’m sure that my foster parents wouldn’t mind the extra company either. Looking forward to seeing you!’_

Ignoring the guilt that he felt, Phillip pressed send.

 

Author’s Note: Yay, first chap is up! So… couple things…  
Disclaimer: I do not own Phillip, Lukas or anything else from ‘Eyewitness’. Nor do I own the song quotes used  
I’ll elaborate a bit more on Bryan and Phillip’s history a bit later on in the story. As for the murders and things, I’m going to let the audience decide for now, whether the murders happened in this universe or not. I MIGHT bring the killer into the story later on, but I’m not quite sure yet.  
Yes, Lukas is being a douche bag right now. Yes, Phillip is being a douche bag right now.  
Leave kudos and drop a comment if you liked it. :3 Also not beta’d so feel free to kindly point any spelling or grammar errors.

Now I'm going to take my shy self and go hide behind a rock. :3

P.S: The title comes from a song of the same name, by Marina and The Diamonds.


	2. Weeds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bryan arrives in town, and his closeness to Phillip doesn't go unnoticed...

_‘You know the problem with history; it keeps coming back like weeds. And when nothing feels enough, at least you taught me how to love.’ –_ (Weeds), Marina and The Diamonds

 

Dinner with Helen and Gabe was a quiet affair. They knew something had been wrong since Phillip came home late the night before, but Phillip could see Gabe silently pleading with Helen not to ask questions. They didn’t have to. Phillip broke the silence himself.

 

“So, uh, I have a friend of mine who’s coming into town as part of a school exchange thing.” Phillip began. “And I was wondering if he could stay with us while he’s here?” Phillip asked with caution, unsure of how they would respond. Helen raised an eyebrow.

 

“And by a friend you mean…?” Helen questioned.

 

“I, uh- he’s my boyfriend.” Phillip stuttered. _Was it always this hard to tell your foster parents about your boyfriend?_

 

“From the city.” He clarified.

 

Helen shrugged. “Well, I don’t see why not, as long as you two stay out of trouble.”

 

Gabe smiled. “That sounds fine, Phillip. We’d love to have him.”

 

“Just make sure he uses a condom.” Helen chimed in. Phillip groaned in embarrassment, as his face flushed.

 

“What? I was a teenager once too, you know.” She snickered.

 

The next morning Phillip awoke to 6 text messages; four of them from Lukas and one from Bryan, telling Phillip he would be at the bus station in twenty minutes. Phillip didn’t even open the messages from Lukas before deleting them, reminding himself that Lukas chose _Rose._ With that bitter thought in mind, Phillip rolled out of bed.

 

“So… what is this _boyfriend_ of yours like?” Helen asked as she and Phillip made the short drive to the bus station.

 

“He, uh- um, he’s nice I guess. His name’s Bryan, he’s kind of shy, but he’s um… smart.” Phillip fumbled out. Helen smiled to herself as she pulled into a parking space. She put the car in park and glanced at Phillip.

 

“Hey, don’t look at me. He’s your boyfriend, you should go get him.” She insisted… which then led to Phillip standing alone on the sidewalk, glancing around awkwardly, before he spotted a familiar tall head of chocolate curls making his way over.

 

“Hey, Phillip! It’s so great to see you again.” Bryan trotted over, dropping his bags to envelope the other boy in a hug. He pulled back to place a kiss on Phillip’s lips, his blue eyes shining. Phillip had missed this. Being with Lukas, he had somewhat forgotten that public displays of affection were normal.

 

“Alright kids, as much as I would love to spend the rest of my Saturday at a bus station, we got to get home. Chop chop!” Helen’s voice called out from the car, though Phillip caught the smile in her voice.

 

After picking up Bryan, Phillip somewhat awkwardly introduced the boy to his foster parents and spent the rest of the weekend showing the other boy around town.

 

Classes were awkward, come Monday morning. Because he and Phillip were friends, Bryan had almost every class with Phillip; who also had mostly every class with _Lukas_. When the teacher introduced Bryan, and two other students to the class, nearly all the girls gave the new boy looks of interest. Those looks stopped when he sat next to Phillip. Lukas scowled at him. Phillip couldn’t resist a smirk.

 

Lukas was fine. No, he didn’t miss Phillip. It didn’t bother him how the new transfer student looked at Phillip either. He wasn’t _jealous_ , and he _definitely_ isn’t gay, damn it!

_Snap._ As his classmates turned to stare at him, Lukas looked down to see that he had snapped a plastic pen, and now had ink dripping over his fingers. _Great._ The teacher just rolled her eyes and told him to go wash it off in the restroom.

Phillip didn’t even glance his way when he walked by his desk, too busy talking and smiling with that _stupid_ new kid. _Come to think of it, Phillip had never smiled at him like that,_ Lukas thought.

Lukas didn’t like the sour taste that left in this mouth.

 

By the time Lukas had scrubbed his hands clean, he had missed the rest of the period and classes had let out for lunch.

 

In hindsight, Phillip probably should have suspected that Lukas wouldn’t leave well-enough alone.

As Phillip exchanged his books for a brown bag lunch, at his locker on Monday, he glanced up and spotted a familiar blonde striding towards him. _Oh boy, here we go…_ he braced himself.

 

“What was that?” Lukas demanded.

 

Phillip played dumb. “What was what?”

 

“That transfer student, Brandon of whatever. He was all but drooling over you. What the fuck was that about?” Lukas clarified.

 

“He was not _drooling_ over me. He was being nice, some that _you_ apparently don’t comprehend.” Phillip frostily replied.

 

Lukas scoffed. “Yeah, I’m sure he’s a real saint.”

 

Phillip slammed the locker shut. “Seriously, what the fuck is your problem? Why can’t you just leave this alone?” Lukas at least had the decency to look guilty.

 

“His name is Bryan. And our relationship is none of your damn business.” The brunette spat.

 

“I’m more comfortable the less personal we are.” Phillip sneered as we walked away.

 

Lukas stared after Phillip dumbstruck. _What the hell?_

 

“What’s his problem?” Lukas whirled around at the sound of Rose’s voice as she started down the hallway after Phillip, perplexed.

 

“Don’t know. I just, uh- asked him about that new transfer student and he got mad.” Lukas lied, wondering how much of that she’d seen.

 

“Oh, you mean that Bryan guy? I don’t know much about him- besides the fact he’s hot.” Rose shrugged. She tilted her head, contemplating. “Oh, and I heard him and Phillip used to go to the same school. People seem to think they’re like, best friends or something.” She continued, as the couple made their way to the cafeteria.

 

Lukas almost froze at that. _Great_ , a hot guy is Phillip’s longtime best friend- _and presumably more, Lukas bet_. Lukas wasn’t jealous. Nope, not at all.

Thankfully, Phillip wasn’t in any of his other classes that day. Bryan was in his last period, however- and if Lukas spent the whole hour glaring at the other boy, well it was nobody’s business, anyway.

Eventually, classes let out for the day and students flooded the halls in hordes.

 Lukas preferred to take one of the less crowded sets of stairs to avoid the noisy crowds.

As he entered the stairwell, Lukas froze at what he saw.

There was Phillip, pushed up against the wall, his arms thrown around Bryan’s neck the two caught in a heavy lip-lock. Lukas felt his heart break. Well, _that_ certainly confirmed his suspicions. Lukas quietly crept away. Those definitely weren’t tears in his eyes, _damn it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! Ch 2 ;D! Yeah, I would have had this up sooner but, I kind of needed some time to process the U.S election and, I’ve also had a pretty rough week with my depression.
> 
> Couple of things:  
> I decided to not bring the killer storyline into this because I want to focus more on the boys' relationship in this story.  
> I don’t hate Rose, so please don’t kill me. She will be back later on in the story, though. ;)
> 
> Also, if you’re a ‘Hannibal’ fan, there’s a sneaky reference in this chapter. And if you’re not a Hannibal fan, I highly recommend the show. :D
> 
> Next Chapter: Phillip and Bryan take their relationship a bit further. Lukas shows up at Phillip’s house and oversteps his bounds. 
> 
> Updates will be 1-2 times a week, as long as nothing comes up. I’ll try and post an update if I can’t update for, whatever reason.
> 
> Again, I try to catch all spelling and grammar errors but, sometimes I miss some. If you catch one that I missed, please feel free to point it out. :3


	3. I Miss the Misery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lukas shows up for a visit at Phillip's house- unannounced and not welcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don’t hurt me for this chapter…
> 
>  
> 
> CONTENT WARNING! This chapter deals with the following subjects: Non-con kissing, non-con touching/groping. If any of these bother you, skip this chapter.

_‘I miss the bad things, the way you hate me. I miss the screaming, the way that you blame me! Miss the phone calls, when it’s your fault. I miss the late nights, don’t miss you at all!’-_ I Miss the Misery (Halestorm)

 

 _Thud._ A textbook slammed shut on a wooden table.

“It’s official. I hate whoever invented math.” Phillip announced, leaning back in his chair. Currently, Bryan was doing his best to help his boyfriend try and understand the work. He wasn’t succeeding.

“That’s fine and all but… hating math isn’t going to help you pass, babe.” He replied, holding back his laughter. Phillip was adorable when he was frustrated.

Phillip scowled in response but opened the textbook again. “Alright… how do I do this?”

Bryan sighed; this was their third time on one problem. It was going to be a long night.

 

 It had been about a week since he’d broken things off with the other boy and, loathe as he was to admit it - Phillip was starting to get worried about Lukas. He didn’t come to school as often, and when he did, he always had dark bags under his eyes. A part of Phillip wanted to relish in his suffering; wanted to ask the blonde, _how does it feel?_ An even bigger part of Phillip wanted to go comfort him. Phillip ignored that part- after all the shit the other boy had put him through, Phillip reserved the right to be angry. He remembered something his mom had told him when he was a kid- before she got messed up…

 

_“You know, sometimes I worry that I raised you to be too nice Phillip. Someday people will try and take advantage of that kindness, sweetie.” His mother playfully scolded him, as she patched up the 7-year-old for a reason Phillip couldn’t remember. She didn’t much mean it at the time, but as he got older Phillip began to see the truth in her words._

 

 _She was right_ , he thought, a picture of Lukas coming to mind. How fucking _stupid_ he’d been. Don’t get him wrong; much as he hated to admit it, he still liked Lukas. A lot. He just wasn’t sure the other boy returned the sentiment. What kind of person kisses someone one day, and beats the shit out of them the next? Phillip had seen those kinds of toxic relationships first-hand and swore to himself a long time ago, that he knew better than to get involved with someone like that. Or, at least he liked to think he did until Lukas.

 

As he sat on the front porch of his temporary home, Phillip was shaken out of his thoughts by the sound of a motorbike. _Oh no._ It was Saturday, so Helen and Gabe were out for the day, and Bryan had gone to the city to visit his folks. Which meant Phillip was alone.

He steadied himself, as he stood from where he’d been lounging on the porch. Lukas stopped his bike in the driveway, taking his helmet off.

For a moment, Phillip couldn’t decide to be angered, or annoyed by Lukas. Annoyance won out in the end.

 

“What do you want, Lukas?” Phillip asked as the blonde climbed the steps to the porch.

 

“I just want to talk to you,” Lukas answered. He looked nervous. “Is, uh- is _he_ around?”

Phillip shook his head and Lukas visibly relaxed.

 

“So, what do you want to talk about?”

 

“I saw you two at school the other day. In the stairwell- I mean.” Lukas blurted out, flustered. Phillip raised his eyebrows, clearly enjoying the other boy’s discomfort.

 

“And? Yeah- he’s my boyfriend and we made out in a stairwell. Not a big deal.” Phillip said with a shrug.

 

Now it was Lukas’s turn to be shocked.“He’s your _boyfriend_?! A-and he’s just ‘cool’ with the fact that people know that?”

 

“Yup. Oh, and as a bonus, he’s not a homophobic asshole, who beats people up.” Phillip responded. He knew it was a low blow, but couldn’t bring himself to care.

Lukas started pacing back and forth, his hands wringing through his hair, nervously.

 

The taller boy stopped; he spun around to lean over Phillip. He braced his hands on the railing on either side of the brunette. He looked furious.

“Why him? Just-just why not someone else?” _Why not someone who I actually stand a chance to win against? Why not_ me?

 

Phillip’s heart was about to beat out of his chest, his eyes went wide at the sudden shift in mood from Lukas. _What the fuck?!_ Lukas had no right to be angry, he picked Rose and now Phillip had moved on.

 _Two can play at that game,_ Phillip thought. He straightened, and looked Lukas right in the eyes.

“You jealous?” Phillip asked, repeating the other boy’s words from a few weeks ago.

 

Instead of answering, Lukas kissed him. Phillip froze for a moment before hesitantly kissing back. Lukas’s tongue prodded softly at his lips and the brunette opened his mouth in response.

 It wasn’t like the other kisses they’ve shared. The others had been rough and hurried, but this- this was slow and sweet as the two took time exploring each other’s mouths.

One of Lukas’s hands shifted to grasp Phillip’s hips, as he moaned into the taller boy’s mouth.

A familiar face with blue eyes, and brown curls flashed in Phillip’s mind.

Ashamed, the brunette tried to jerk out of Lukas’s hold. Lukas just chuckled and gripped him tighter.

Pushing on the blonde’s chest, Phillip broke the kiss.

 

Lukas pulled back a few inches to look at him, confused. “What’s wrong?”

 

“We need to stop. We can’t do this. This should never have happened in the first place.” Phillip panted, out of breath, into the space between them. _I won’t be like you_.

 

“Why? I like you, and you like me so it’s fine.” Lukas reassured him before bending down to mouth at his neck. Phillip’s heartbeat picked up, and he felt his palms start to sweat

 

“Hey, come on. I mean it- stop.” Phillip chided with a chuckle, knowing that Lukas was just joking around.

Lukas didn’t stop, alternating kissing his jaw line and his neck now.

The other boy wasn’t joking. Phillip was getting scared; this wasn’t the Lukas that he knew.

“I- Lukas, no. Come on, stop.” The brunette protested trying to pull away but the taller boy still had him caged with his arms. He was panicking now, he didn’t _want_ this; not like _this._ The blonde was continuing to press kisses to his neck.

“Seriously Lukas, this isn’t funny anymore.” Lukas wasn’t stopping. _Why wasn’t he stopping_? Phillip felt tears in his eyes, as he struggled to breathe through his panic. The brunette was torn, not knowing what to do. _Did he hurt his friend, or did he let Lukas hurt him instead?_  

One of Lukas’s legs slid between Phillip’s to rub at his crotch. The shorter boy whimpered, which the older boy mistook for arousal, instead of the fear that it was.

Something in the younger boy snapped.

“Lukas- fucking stop!” Phillip shouted, bringing his knee up into the other boy’s stomach, hard. Lukas stumbled back doubling over in pain as his grip on the railing, broke. When he came back to himself a few seconds later the blonde’s face was a mixture of shame and guilt, as the reality of what he’d done set in.

Phillip crumpled to the ground, shaking and curled in on himself; holding his knees to his chest and hiding his face.

As he met Lukas’s gaze across from him, Phillip couldn’t hold back his sobs anymore.

 

Lukas reached a hand out to comfort him, with guilt in his eyes. “Phillip, I’m sor-“

 

Phillip slapped his hand, pushing himself farther away. “Don’t touch me.”

Phillip glanced away, looking anywhere else. He couldn’t look at Lukas anymore.

“I think you should leave. Now.” Phillip spoke, hating how shaky his voice was. Phillip didn’t turn around but he heard the sound of footsteps, followed a minute later by the sound of a motorbike revving up and Lukas riding away.

After Lukas left, Phillip dragged himself to the shower and spent the next hour scrubbing his skin raw, even when the water had long since gone cold. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he stepped out of the restroom, wearing only a white fluffy towel around his waist and heard a voice.

 

“Jesus, Phillip!” He looked around to see Bryan exclaim, a horrified expression on his face as he took in Phillip’s red, irritated skin. _When had he gotten back?_

 

“What the hell happened to you?” The other boy asked, concerned.

 

“I-I just g-got a little c-carried away-ay with s-scrubbing in the shower,” Phillip replied through his shivering. He was cold and much as he liked Bryan- Phillip was very much looking forward to putting some dry clothes on.

 

Bryan nodded slowly. “Yeah, I’d say so. Why don’t you go get dressed sweetheart and I’ll make you some hot chocolate? You look like you need it.” Phillip just nodded and turned towards his room.

 

Moments later, the two sat snuggled up together on the couch, taking sips from their cocoa as they watched an old episode of _Supernatural_.

 

“What?! No, they- they can’t kill _them_ off! She was my favorite character.”

 

“Oh come on! There is _no_ way that the gun didn’t work on him. What a cop out.”

 

Phillip smiled getting a kick out of Bryan’s reaction; he would have never predicted that Bryan would like the show that much. Still, it was a nice distraction to get his mind off of Lukas for a bit.

The episode ended and Bryan reached across the couch, grabbing the remote to turn the T.V off. Phillip grumbled at the loss of warmth and snuggled closer. The two enjoyed the silence for a few minutes.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Bryan asked, softly.

 

Beside him, Phillip stiffened. “Talk about what?”

 

“Babe, I’m not a cop like Helen, but even _I_ can tell that you’re not okay.” The other boy pressed. “Did something happen while I was gone? Does it have to do with that blonde kid who’s always looking at you?”

Phillip’s eyes widened imperceptibly. “You mean Lukas? No- I promise, I’m fine. It’s just- I miss the city and everything.” He lied. Bryan raised an eyebrow at him, skeptical.

 

“You’re _sure_?”

Phillip nodded, leaning up to peck the other boy’s lips. He could see in his eyes that Bryan didn’t believe him but he seemed to let the matter be.

 

“So, Helen and Gabe aren’t due back for a few hours. Is there something that you want to do in the meantime?” Bryan inquired, trying to change the subject.

 

Phillip bit his lip as he set his mug down on the coffee table, before moving to straddle Bryan’s lap, linking his arms around his neck.

“Will you fuck me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone says something – I do not condone Lukas’s actions in any way.
> 
> However, I felt that this was in-line with his character. Yes- he would have stopped himself before things got too out of hand, but I really don’t think that Lukas has a good grasp on personal boundaries. You’ll see more of what I mean by this, in the next chapter.
> 
> Bonus points, if anyone can tell me what Supernatural ep Phillip and Bryan were watching. Hint, it’s not a recent season, I’ll tell you that. ;)
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Phillip, Lukas or anything else from ‘Eyewitness’ (or 'Supernatural'). Nor do I own the song lyrics.  
> Leave kudos and drop a comment if you liked it. :3 Also not beta’d so feel free to kindly point any spelling or grammar errors.


	4. Colors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After realizing that he may have lost the one good thing in his life right now, Lukas makes a decision that might just help him win back Phillip. If it's not too late...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So real quick - thanks so much to everyone who has left kudos or a comment so far. I love reading all the comments and I really appreciate that you guys like the story. Thank you so much!! <3 *internet hugs*

_’Everything is grey. His hair, his smoke, his dreams, and now he’s so devoid of color he don’t know what it means.’ –_ Colors, Halsey

_“Will you fuck me?”_

 

Bryan put a hand on Phillip’s waist. “Are you sure?” The shorter boy nodded, but Bryan still wasn’t buying it.

“Are you really not just saying that? Phillip, I know that you’ve had issues with sex since… that incident at that party. Are you _sure_ about this?” He pressed.

Phillip rolled his eyes, impatient. “Yeah, I’m sure. Why don’t you believe me?” Phillip demanded, anger starting to rise. _Why couldn’t Bryan just let it go?_

“It’s not that I don’t believe you Phillip, but it feels like something happened, that you don’t want to tell me and now you’re using this as a distraction!” Bryan retaliated, raising his voice. Phillip moved off of him.

“So what if it is a distraction? I don’t see how that’s any of your business!” He shouted. By now, their simple disagreement had turned into an all-out fight.

The older boy raised his brows at this, standing. “Excuse me? ‘Not any of my business’? I’m your boyfriend, I would _hope_ that you would be able to talk to me about things like this, rather than try and use sex as a coping mechanism!” Bryan yelled back. Phillip flinched, perhaps he _had_ pushed things a bit far with that last comment.

Bryan glowered at him for a moment and Phillip glared right back, standing there with his arms crossed.

“I need some time to cool off. If you want to talk, I’ll be outside.” He said, frosty. Phillip ignored him and flopped back down on the couch. Bryan started toward the door; surprised, when it was pulled open by Helen, Gabe following after her. Choosing not to acknowledge them, Bryan moved past Gabe, pulling the door shut behind them.

“Well hello to you too, Bryan,” Gabe muttered, shooting a bewildered look after the boy. He raised a brow at Helen, who shrugged as if to say, _teenagers._

Helen crept over to the couch where Phillip sat.

“Sooo… everything okay between you two?” She inquired, taking a seat next to him.

“Yeah, we’re just… Bryan got mad because he thought something happened between Lukas and me and that I wasn’t telling him. He said that I was using sex as a way to deal with my problems.” Phillip confessed. By now, Gabe had made himself scarce leaving Helen alone to talk with the boy.

“Welll _did_ something happen between you and Lukas?” She asked.

Phillip took a deep breath… and told her everything; after making her promise not to tell anyone of course.

He told her about his and Lukas’s on and off ‘relationship’ that they’d had for the past few weeks. About the incident at school. About Rose. He left out the part where Lukas came onto him a bit… _forcefully_ that morning, but she didn’t need to know about that. _It felt good to get everything off his chest_ , Phillip thought.

Helen was quiet for a bit, thinking of how best to respond.

“Well, if you want my advice. It sounds like what Lukas did wasn’t – and still isn’t okay, using you and Rose like that. But you have to consider that… for some people, accepting their sexuality isn’t as easy as it may have been for you. _Especially,_ if you’ve been raised to believe that who you are is wrong which – if I know Bo, I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what Lukas grew up believing.” Helen explained. “Sometimes it takes people a while to accept themselves. Now – does that mean that it’s an excuse for bad behavior? No, but it can _explain_ why they’re acting like that.” She added.

“But it also sounds like… Bryan may just have been a bit of a replacement for Lukas. Not intentionally maybe - but you were in a vulnerable place and it’s not unheard of to latch onto a familiar presence for comfort.” Helen suggested. Phillip let out a snort at her formal language.

“Are you going into cop mode, now?” He joked with a smile. Helen laughed, and playfully shoved him.

“And hey – sometimes it takes being rejected for someone to drag their head out of their ass. It did with Gabe and look at us now.” Helen advised. There came an indignant ‘hey!’ from the kitchen in response. Phillip and Helen both cracked up at that.

 

“Fuck fuck fuck FUCK!” Lukas raged as he sent various objects flying off his desk, pausing briefly to rub at his wet eyes. After looking around for something else to destroy, he finally just gave in and let himself fall to the floor and sob.

  _Goddamn it! What had done?_ Phillip and their relationship might have been the best thing to happen to him, and now he’d gone and ruined any chance he _might_ have had with the other boy.

Lukas felt sick with himself. He could still hear Phillip’s protests playing over and over again in his mind, like a broken record. He’d really fucked up this time, and he didn’t know if he would get a second chance. He sure as hell didn’t _deserve_ one. A million thoughts were racing through Lukas’s mind.

_What if Phillip left town because of him?_

_What if he decided to press charges?_

_What if Phillip demanded a restraining order against him?_

_What if he told Helen or Gabe?_

_OhGodOhGodOhGod…._

There was an angry knock at his door.

“Lukas! Boy, what in the heck are you doing in there? You’re making all kinds of racket.” His father shouted from the other side.

“Uh nothing, dad! I just – knocked some stuff over, is all.” Lukas called back, standing and furiously wiping at his eyes. His dad couldn’t see him crying. The blonde held his breath for a moment until he heard the sound of footsteps leading away.

Lukas sat on his bed and buried his face in his hands. **You’re a monster,** a voice in his head hissed. _You saw something pretty and you just had to have it didn’t you? And when you couldn’t have it, you had to break it, right? If I can’t have it, nobody can? Is that it?_

**You ruin everything you touch.**

“No – I-I’m not a monster.” Lukas protested though it sounded like a lie even to him. _I’ll bet Phillip would beg to differ…_ Images flashed in his mind of Phillip’s tear-streaked face and the fear in his eyes. God, how could everything go so wrong so fast?

His chest hurt. Lukas wanted Phillip back – he couldn’t deny it anymore. He missed the other boy. He missed his wide, bright smile, the way his eyes would light up when talking about photography. He missed the way Phillip would look at him.

Lukas grabbed his phone and dialed up a familiar number.

“Hey, it’s me. Are you free tomorrow? I think we need to talk.”

Lukas had to fix this.

 

The next day, Lukas sat in a small café, periodically checking the time and sipping his coffee as he waited for another person to arrive. He’d chosen this location purposefully, knowing that people were less like to pick-up on their conversation in a loud café. His eyes flickered over to the door for about the third time in the last hour when he _finally_ saw Rose walk in, and make her way over.

“Hey.” She greeted, taking the seat opposite him. “You said that you wanted to talk?”

_Ah, typical Rose, always one to get straight to the point_ , Lukas thought to himself. Lukas glanced around, making sure there wasn’t any staff milling about. He took a deep breath and decided that it was best to follow her approach and get straight to the point.

“I’m gay, Rose.” He confessed, bluntly. She blinked at him. Lukas felt that his heart was about to beat out of his chest at any moment.

“I know.” She replied simply, thanking the waitress as she came by with a mug of coffee.

“I’m sorry for le-“ Lukas stopped, as her words registered. “Wait – what do you mean you know?” he demanded. She rolled her eyes.

“Really, Lukas? I mean, it was pretty obvious. The way you couldn’t get it up around me? The way you look like you just swallowed something sour when we kiss? The way you follow Phillip around like a lost puppy?” Rose elaborated, raising an eyebrow as if daring him to protest. “Seriously Lukas - if you were trying to hide it you were doing a shit job.”

Lukas gaped at her. Though, now that he thought about it, she had some fair points. _Shit, who else had pieced it together,_ he worried. Wait a minute…

“So- you’re not mad? And wait a minute, if you knew why didn’t you break up with me?” He questioned. It didn’t make sense to him. Shouldn’t she be furious with him right now, for lying to her? Rose’s expression changed her eyes downcast as she frowned.

“I didn’t break up with you because I was selfish. I saw they way you and that kid, Phillip glanced at each other when you thought no one was looking and I got jealous. You’d never looked at _me_ that way. I thought that I could ‘fix’ you, I suppose.” Rose confessed. “I realize now, that I was wrong and I owe you an apology. I’m sorry.”  

Lukas was silent for a moment before he responded. “It’s uh alright, I – I’ve done some pretty fucked up things lately too and I’m sorry too – for leading you on.” He grimaced, picturing Phillip. _Damn it, he wasn’t good at apologies._

“But… do you think we could still be friends? There are not many people that I can uh talk to about this kind of stuff.” Rose laughed at his awkwardness and just like that - the awkward tension between the two disappeared. The two spent the next half-hour casually chatting away. Rose suddenly got a mischievous look on her face as she leaned across the table with a smile.

“So what’s the deal with you and Phillip?” She asked. Lukas’s good mood disappeared. He opened his mouth but Rose cut him off. “And don’t you dare say nothing. I know there’s _something_ so, spill.”

Lukas conceded.

“I uh- we um sort of had a thing going on. But I uh- fucked it up with the video and now I did something and I don’t think he’ll take me back.” Lukas responded. Rose’s gaze turned sharp and inquisitive. She wasn’t an idiot; she knew just how much of an ass Lukas could be.

“What did you do?” The girl inquired. Lukas fidgeted, his eyes shifting around the room nervously.

“Well for starters I beat him up at school” Lukas started. Rose nodded, remembering the incident and motioned for him to continue.

“And recently, I may have uh…I came onto him when he didn’t want me to.” Lukas blurted out but didn’t stop there. “I just- I don’t know what came over me. I thought he was joking at first, and then I- I guess I thought that it was okay because he liked me and I thought that he was fucking that Bryan kid, and I just go so _jealous_ that I –“

Rose couldn’t help it. She slapped him, cutting off the rest of his rambling. Lukas groaned, rubbing his cheek where she hit him. He deserved that one.

“You. Fucking. Asshole.” She hissed. “ A, even if he did like you, that doesn’t make what you did okay and B, who he’s fucking isn’t any of your business Lukas. Phillip isn’t a piece of property for you two to fight over and it is _never_ okay to come onto someone who doesn’t want it.” Rose stressed.

“I _know_ that and I’m sorry, I really am. I’d do anything to take it back but I can’t. “ Lukas lamented. He wasn’t lying either. Rose pursed her lips as she paused to take a sip of the coffee she’d ordered to calm down, before responding.

“Annnd, now you want him back,” She guessed. Lukas nodded, throat tight. Sure, he felt bad for asking his ex to help him win back his _other_ ex but he didn’t know who else to ask for help and he didn’t know _shit_ about relationships, as he’d proven.

Rose looked at Lukas. “Look, you want my two cents? I think you should tell Phillip exactly what you just told me. I mean yeah – I won’t lie and say that this doesn’t hurt but even _I_ can see that you really like him, so you should tell him.”

“But I mean – he has Bryan and I don’t know if I can compete with that.” Lukas sounded so uncharacteristically small for a moment that Rose felt it tug at her heart.  Her eyes softened.

“Lukas, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. At the risk of sounding cliché – he looks like you hung the freaking moon. Trust me – I’m a girl and we pick up on these things.” Rose spoke. “Plus, the worse he can do is say no. But you won’t know unless you _try.”_ She added.

“Just promise me that you’ll try, at least Lukas? Please?” Rose begged, adding in puppy-dog eyes for extra effect.

Lukas relented. “I’ll think about it.” He conceded. Rose grinned, considering that a victory. A part of her was still hurt about their break-up, though she knew it had been a long time coming, but she would get over it with time.

 

Meanwhile, Bryan decided to head out for a walk to let off some steam. He felt guilty for yelling at Phillip like that but, he was hurt when Phillip didn’t talk to him. Didn’t he trust him? Had he done something to piss him off? _Apparently so,_ he mused.  The older brunette glanced down at the ground as he walked, absentmindedly when he noticed something strange.

_Were those… bike tracks? Had someone been snooping around the house?_ He bent down and looked closer, confused. The tracks were too thick to be from a normal bike so, that was out. _Some kind of motorbike, maybe?_ Bryan clenched his fists unconsciously as he felt an irrational surge of anger. There was only one person in town he knew of with a motorbike.

Phillip had _lied._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Eyewitness, nor the song lyrics quoted.  
> Don’t forget to leave a kudos if you liked it, and feel free to drop a comment. Also please do kindly point out any spelling or grammar errors, I try and catch them all but once in a while I do miss some. :3  
> I’m really glad that everyone is enjoying this fic so far! Next chapter will be a flashback to how Bryan and Phillip met.


	5. Update

Hello! Sorry if you were expecting a chapter...

So, quick little update. First, yes I do realize after the latest ep that I got the house layout wrong but shhhh, just ignore that.

 

Second. This ep gave me inspiration to take this story in a different, darker direction that I initially had planned. However, I'm aware that a lot of people would prefer that I keep it how it is, which is why I'm asking you guys which would like to see:

 

A. Keep it how it is, with a happy ending

or

B. Darker ending with a sequel

 

Comment below and let me know which you'd prefer to see, and when I post the next chap (probably on Friday or so) I'll pick one and go with it.


	6. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't say much about this chapter because I don't want to spoil anything.
> 
> This is a flashback to how Bryan and Phillip met is pretty much all I can say, without giving anything away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyy, Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow ‘muricans out there, here’s your gift! :D I didn't think I would get this chapter done this soon but I did so, here it is a day early...surprise! So this chapter shows how Bryan and Phillip met (By the way, I’m assuming that at present time in the show, Phillip is a senior in high school, so this takes place junior year)  
> Content Warning: Attempted Rape, non-consensual touching, drugging, stalking (mention) – if any of these bother you, do NOT read this chapter!

_“His little whispers love me, love me. That’s all I ask for. Love me, love me.” –_ Monster, Meg & Dia

 

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Come on, Phillip pleeease?”

“No way. I mean, _a vampire_ really, Nicole? You couldn’t choose something just a bit more… _original?_ ” Phillip groaned at his best friend as she held up a cheap cape, some $5 vampire teeth and a vial of fake blood. He promised her that he’d go with her to her girlfriend’s Halloween party over a week ago. ‘ _Everyone is going to be there’_ she’d said at the time and somehow convinced him to come. But as if that wasn’t enough, she insisted on choosing his costume as well.

“Oh come on Phillip! Everyone has to dress up as a vampire for at least _one_ Halloween; it’s a rite of passage!” She stated, matter-of-factly. Phillip sincerely doubted that, but that was Nicole for you –always over the top and dramatic. He rolled his eyes, wishing his mom were there to take his side but her latest boyfriend had taken her dancing that night. Phillip took one long look at Nicole’s puppy-dog eyes…and conceded.

“Fine.” He grumbled. _Why could he never resist the puppy-dog eyes?_

Nicole lit up like a Christmas tree and immediately set about getting him ready with an excited squeal. _What had he gotten himself into? ..._

One hour, two tubes of hair gel, and several petty arguments later, Phillip found himself stuffed into a house with people in cheap costumes, moving vaguely to the rhythm of the dubstep that blared loud from speakers stationed around a large room.  Still, the house was huge, so at least it wasn’t _too_ crowded. Currently, the large granite-floored ballroom was being used as a dance floor, and Phillip could see the DJ at the opposite end. Elsewhere, scary movies were streaming on the living room flat screen and Phillip could faintly hear screams from the television; there were also bedrooms upstairs that were free to use – because you don’t put a bunch of teenagers in one area for a limited time and _not_ expect them to get frisky. Still – by far the best part was this mean that Phillip was free to hide in a corner and no one would notice him; mentally, he thanked Nicole for having a rich girlfriend.

Phillip caught sight of himself, in the reflection of a window. Loathe as he was to admit it, Nicole had also done a pretty good job with his costume. His hair had been slicked back with gel, and the cape pulled taught over his back, while the fake blood ran down his chin staining the white shirt he had on - _man he hoped that stuff would wash out._ He didn’t look half bad. Plus, the vampire teeth didn’t actually make talking all that hard which was a nice bonus.

Speaking of Nicole…where was she? She’d disappeared the second she and Phillip had walked in the door and he kicked himself for not keeping track of her. Sighing, Phillip set down his drink on a table next to him and began weaving his way through the crowd, to search the huge house for the sprightly redhead dressed as a werewolf.

Twenty minutes later, Phillip was close to giving up. He couldn’t find his friend anywhere, and that fucking _dubstep_ music was giving him a headache. Honestly, how could people stand to listen to that crap? All he wanted was to go home, at this point. Phillip groaned, leaning up against a wall and pulling out his phone to text his friend. Knowing Nicole, she’d switched her phone off the second she went into ‘party-mode’ as she called it, but Phillip had nothing to lose. He sent off a few texts before glancing up and watching the crowd for a while as he waited for a reply that wasn’t likely to come. He noticed a boy with brown curls and big blue eyes, wearing a mad hatter costume smile shyly in his direction. Phillip grinned back and waved, chuckling to himself when the boy blushed and looked away.

Phillip froze when he saw a familiar form, making his way towards him. Tall, lithe figure. Long bleached hair, pulled into a ponytail. Rich. _Jason._

The boy was the captain of the swim team at their school and had been giving Phillip trouble for years. He asked Phillip out, back when he was a freshman and Phillip declined – something about him was just, _off_. Jason didn’t take the rejection well and if anything, seemed to take it as a challenge. From then on, he’d flirt with Phillip every time he saw him, he’d give Phillip gifts on Valentine’s Day, Christmas – hell, even Phillip’s _birthday_ which he didn’t know how the other boy knew. But it didn’t stop there – Phillip started seeing him around town when he went out, whether it be on a date or just shopping for groceries. Jason was _everywhere_ and it was obvious that it wasn’t a coincidence. Nicole even went as far as to call Jason a creep to his face one time at lunch and accuse him of stalking Phillip. The other boy just laughed in her face, but Phillip noticed he didn’t deny it.

Phillip was _really_ wishing Nicole was there, as Jason sidled up next to him, his breath smelling of wine coolers while he stood _much_ too close for Phillip’s comfort, wearing a cheap hat and clad in a pair of cargo pants complete with a matching vest. Phillip couldn’t help it, he decided to humor him.

“And who are you supposed to be?” Phillip asked in a bored tone. Jason smirked.

“I’m Indiana Jones.” He leaned in, much too close for Phillip’s liking. “Here to save my damsel in distress.” He finished, smirking. _God and everyone thought Phillip was weird for turning this creep down?_   Phillip rolled his eyes.

“Real original, there.” The brunette remarked.

“You know, I’m no vampire – but I’d gladly suck you dry.” Jason flirted, leaning against the wall with one hand.

“Wow, how long did it take you to think of that one?” Phillip replied, monotone. Jason chose not to acknowledge that.

“Is there any human left in you? Would you like some?” The other boy continued, waggling his eyebrows for emphasis. Phillip groaned and moved away from the wall, having seen that the boy was still just as annoying and weird, even in front of other people. A hand grabbed his wrist.

“Wait! I’m sorry, I was just trying to be funny… at least let me get you a drink, Phillip.” Jason sounded so…sincere for once. _Maybe he actually means it?_ Phillip thought.

“Alright.” Phillip relented, hoping that the other boy would leave him alone for the rest of the night after this.

The boy with the brown curls was watching when Jason showed up again, two drinks in hand. Jason offered one drink to Phillip and the other boy took it, leaning back to watch the crowd dance while he quietly sipped his drink. Jason stayed but, as long as he didn’t talk or pester him in any way, Phillip wasn’t bothered. After all, what could the other boy do in a room full of people?

Not long after that, Phillip finished his drink and moved away from the wall.

His brows furrowed when he stumbled. That was odd, Phillip felt funny. He hadn’t had _that_ much to drink, had he? His headache was back as his hand shot out to grab the wall when he stumbled again. There was a hand on his elbow and Jason was there, a concerned expression on his face.

“Hey Phillip, are you okay?” Not trusting himself to speak, Phillip just shook his head no.

“Come on, there are rooms upstairs and I think you need to lie down.” Not giving the other boy a chance to protest, Jason dragged Phillip along. As they made their way up a set of stairs, a feeling of dread began to grow in Phillip’s gut. His vision was starting to blur. _What the hell?_ The situation felt wrong to Phillip.

Jason led Phillip to an unused room and coaxed him onto the bed to lie down. As soon as he hit the mattress, Phillip felt the tiredness in his bones increase tenfold. He didn’t think he could move even if he wanted to.

_Wait…_

His bones turned to lead as realization set in. He looked up to see Jason close the door.

“Y-you fuckerrr,” Phillip slurred. It felt like there was cotton in his mouth. “You p-put something i-in m-my drink!” Phillip accused. It was only now that he noticed the other boy was smiling as he strode over to the bed.

“Phillip, you shouldn’t accuse people like that.” Jason chided, even as he pulled Phillip’s shirt and cape off of him. The brunette started to panic, when Jason threw his shirt to the side. The blonde leaned down, to press kissed over the brunette’s chest, his tongue feeling the exact _opposite_ of pleasurable to Phillip – it felt slimy and gross. Phillip wanted to move, to scream, to _fight back,_ but his limbs still stubbornly refused to move, and his throat refused to form words. He could feel his heartbeat pick up. His palms were sweating into the sheets. _Shit, this wasn’t good._

Phillip couldn’t help it – he started crying when Jason moved onto his pants. He whimpered and Jason looked up. He wiped a tear from the terrified boy’s cheek.

“Aww, Shhh. There’s no need to cry, even though I know you’re happy.” Phillip was torn between wanting to punch him or pleading with him to stop.  Jason moved in to kiss him and Phillip bit him on his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. Jason drew back, angry. Phillip didn’t have to register it, before he felt the sting of a palm across his face, as Jason switched back to undressing him, attaching his mouth to Phillip’s neck like a leech, sucking bruises into the skin he found.

“You know Phillip this wouldn’t be happening if you hadn’t been such a _tease._ I know you want this, so just lie back and take it like a good boy.” Jason cooed, as he tugged Phillip’s jeans off.

“N-no…d-don’t” Phillip managed to weakly stutter out. _Was this really happening_? By now he was down to his underwear. Jason moved to remove those too but was interrupted, when the door opened with a loud slam.

Phillip was surprised to see the boy from earlier standing in the doorway, followed by a very angry Nicole.

As she took in the scene, Nicole moved faster than Phillip had ever seen and pulled Jason off of him. The taller boy moved to attack her, and for a second, Phillip’s heart leapt into his throat. Nicole had taken self-defense training he knew, but that didn’t change the fact that Jason was _still_ a lot bigger than her. He braced himself to see his friend get mauled by Jason, but Nicole stopped him with one move, an odd punch to his temple and Jason dropped like a rock, unconscious. _Okay, he **really** needed to learn that move._

She grabbed a blanket and helped Phillip sit up, wrapping him in it. Nicole carefully helped Phillip redress and offered him a glass of water to sip.

 “Do you think you can stand?” She asked when he finished. Phillip managed to nod weakly.

“We need to contact the police and get you to a hospital, Phillip.” She instructed. Phillip shook his head.

“No…hospital…no, police.” He responded, sluggish. The drugs were still in his system, but the effect was wearing off enough that he could talk –albeit very slowly. Nicole fixed him with a concerned look.

“Phillip… I know that you don’t like it, but – if he-“ Nicole broke off, uncomfortable.

“He…didn’t,” Phillip replied, well-aware of what she was implying. She looked slightly relieved at that.

“Just… wanna go home.” Phillip continued, quietly. Nicole nodded sympathetically before glancing away, sheepishly.

“I get that, believe me, I do – and I don’t blame you. It’s just that, well… I’ve had a few drinks myself and I shouldn’t be driving.” Nicole confessed. “But… Bryan could take you home if you’d like?” She offered, gesturing to the boy in the doorway who shuffled awkwardly.

Phillip glared at her, as if to say, _really? I was just almost raped so now you’re sending me home with someone I don’t know?_ Nicole seemed to read his thoughts.

“Don’t worry Phillip; I know Bryan and I promise he’s a good guy. He won’t do anything I swear.” She soothed.

Not seeing a choice in the matter, Phillip nodded and managed to stand. He ignored the questioning stares as he and Bryan made their way out of the house, Phillip stumbling once every few steps.

The drive home was silent, except for when Phillip gave directions. But yet, a question occurred to Phillip. “How did Nicole know that I was in trouble?” Phillip asked himself out loud. He jumped when he received a response.

“That would, uh- be me. I saw you come in with her so I assumed the two of you were friends” Bryan replied, speaking for the first time that night. His voice was soft and velvety. Phillip found he liked it.

“But… how did you know that Jason was going to – um, was up to no good?” Phillip continued, unable to say the ‘r-word’. Bryan glanced at him from the side, confused.

“Well, I’m pretty sure that anyone with a brain knows what a creep Jason is. When I saw you stumble after you drank what he gave you I put two and two together.” Bryan said. Phillip felt a wave of gratitude. _Maybe Nicole was right and he isn’t such a bad guy…_

“Thanks. I don’t think anyone else would have given a damn, so…thank you.” Phillip mumbled, face red. Bryan just hummed in acknowledgement, keeping his eyes on the road.

Phillip never did hear what happened to Jason after that, but he never returned to school. Phillip let out a sigh of relief at that. He had a feeling that Nicole had something to do with that, but she continued to deny it every time Phillip suggested that she might have so he let it go.

Over the next few months, Bryan joined Phillip and his small circle of friends, and the two grew close. Very close. Needless to say, no one was surprised when the two announced they were dating at the end of the school year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the winner is…… Option A! But don’t worry those who wanted Option B – I’m going to tweak the idea I had a bit, and make it into a one-shot at some point, but I will post it on AO3 – fear not!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own Eyewitness, nor the song lyrics quoted.
> 
> Don’t forget to leave a kudos if you liked it, and feel free to drop a comment. Also please do kindly point out any spelling or grammar errors, I try and catch them all but once in a while, I do miss some. :3


	7. How To Be a Heartbreaker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow- thank you guys so much for all the comments and kudos so far! I really appreciate them, and I'm so glad that you guys like my writing :)

“ _Rule number two: just don’t get attached to somebody you could lose. So le-let me tell you…”_ – How To Be A Heartbreaker, Marina and The Diamonds

 

Phillip knew something was wrong the moment he woke up on Monday. Call it what you want – a gut feeling, instinct – Phillip just _knew_ that something bad was going to happen. He could feel it in his bones. Phillip was proven right, when his day started off rocky. As he greeted his boyfriend in the kitchen after setting the table for breakfast, all he got in return was a curt, ‘hello’ and then the taller boy moved past him to grab a box of cereal along with the milk before moving to sit down at the table. No kiss, no pet names, nothing. What. The. Hell?

Phillip raised an eyebrow and moved to sit down across from Bryan. He opened his mouth to ask Bryan who the _hell_ had shoved a stick up his ass, when Helen and Gabe walked in. Phillip snapped his mouth shut and decided to leave it until they could talk privately. The two sat quietly crunching their cereal before moving to grab their backpacks and slip on their sneakers. All the while, neither said a word to the other.

As Phillip was lacing up his sneakers, Helen turned around in her chair.

“Hey, do you boys want a ride to school?” She asked. Before Bryan could reply, Phillip spoke up.

“Nah, we’ll just walk. It’s a nice day anyways,” Phillip replied. Helen looked almost hurt by that and Phillip felt a pang of guilt.

“Are you sure? Cause I mean it’s not a problem,” She pressed. This time Bryan jumped in.

“Really, it’s fine. If we leave now we’ll make it in plenty of time.” He reassured her. Helen looked like she wanted to argue but the two boys rushed out the door before she or Gabe could press the matter.

The two walked along the gum-and-litter laden sidewalk, their shoes scuffling softly on the cement. Phillip figured that now was as good a time as any.

“So…why are you ignoring me?” He questioned his boyfriend, watching the other’s face carefully for any sign of reaction. Bryan stopped. He had a pained expression on his face.

“Why did _you_ lie to me?” Bryan finally asked after several long, seconds. Phillip scrunched his eyebrows, confused.

“What do you mean? I didn’t _lie_ to you.”

Bryan rolled his eyes. “Uh-huh, and I suppose that those motorbike tracks in the driveway came from Casper, then?”

Phillip stiffened. He tried to cool his features into a mask of indifference but Bryan caught the look of shock on his face, at Bryan’s words.

“Aha! So you _do_ know what I’m talking about.” Bryan noted smugly. Phillip shuffled his feet. People were staring.

“Alright yes, Lukas was at the house.” Phillip acknowledged.  He couldn’t pretend that he didn’t know _who_ Bryan was implying – Lukas was the only person Phillip knew that owned a motorbike, after all. “But, nothing happened between us I _swear_. I wouldn’t cheat on you Bryan, believe me. Besides, Lukas isn’t even gay.” Phillip explained, adding in the last part as an afterthought. After all – Lukas _had_ said in _his own words_ that he wasn’t gay. Bryan looked skeptical.

“So, why was he at the house then?” He retorted. _Oh shit._ Phillip didn’t have an answer for that, aside from the truth of course, but like hell he was going to tell his boyfriend that his kinda-sorta-maybe-ex _came onto him_. _Damnit_ , now he sounded like Lukas – always telling lies.

While Phillip was busy debating with himself, Bryan stood there, arms crossed and expression stormy waiting for his explanation.

“I –uh –um.” Phillip stuttered, willing his brain to come up with a good excuse - _something, anything!_

“He came to buy drugs.” The moment the words came out of his mouth, Phillip wanted to take them back. He just said the first thing that popped into his head, without thinking.

Bryan’s eyes widened and Phillip hazarded a guess that whatever explanation the other boy had been expecting, it wasn’t _that._

“What kind of drugs?” Bryan inquired.

“Painkillers. I didn’t give him any though.” _Shit - stop fucking talking, you’re making it worse!_ Phillip inwardly berated himself.

“You do realize that we have to tell Helen about this, right?” Bryan pointed out and Phillip cursed himself for the umpteenth time that day for not thinking everything through.

“Maybe…maybe we shouldn’t. I mean, going to the cops is only going to make things worse for him, believe me I’ve been there. I just- let’s at least leave it until the end of the week, okay?” Phillip begged. “I’ll- I’ll talk to him, alright?” Phillip lied. Bryan frowned, but admitted that he could see where Phillip was coming from. Knowing that Phillip had previous experience, Bryan supposed that he might be able to get through to Lukas.

With that, the two boys continued on towards school.

Just when he thought his day couldn’t get any worse – Phillip saw a familiar head of black, wavy hair standing in front of his locker. _Great._ What the _hell_ did Rose want? He wondered, a feeling of annoyance slithering up his spine.

“Well, I might as well find out.” He muttered to himself and strode up to his locker.

“I’m not sure if you’re aware, but this is my locker.” Phillip snidely greeted. Hey, she’d been rude to _him_ plenty of times; it was only fair that he got to return the favor. Of course, he immediately felt guilty when he saw the expression on her face when she moved to the side. She looked almost…shameful? Oh well, Phillip honestly couldn’t care less now that she’d moved out of his way. As he loaded books in his backpack for his morning he noticed that she was still there. He practically slammed the door of the locker shut.

“Alright, what do you want?” He asked her, exasperatedly knowing that she wasn’t likely to go away.

“Phillip look I-“ Rose started to speak, but Phillip held up a finger, stopping her.

“Yeah – I was humoring you. I don’t actually care.” He interrupted. Now _that_ sparked a reaction from the girl.

“What the fuck is your _problem?”_  She fumed, crossing her arms. Phillip glared back at her.

“Uh, how about the fact that you’ve been a bitch to me ever since I got here and now suddenly you actually want to talk to me, instead of telling me to essentially ‘fuck  off’?” Phillip retorted. “Sorry – but it doesn’t work like that. Leave me alone.” He finished, turning on his heel leaving the gob-smacked girl still standing in the middle of the hallway. Okay – maybe that had been a _bit_ harsh, but Phillip had bigger things to deal with than Rose’s sudden morality crisis.

As he plopped down in his usual seat, Phillip immediately yanked his phone out – tuning out the mindless chatter of the kids around him as they waited for the teacher. He scrolled through his contacts until he found the name ‘Nicole’. He sent off a text.

**To: Nicole**

_Oh shit._

_I did something bad. Really bad! Wat do?_

Phillip typed, watching the clock and uncaring about his grammar. Logically, he knew that Nicole was in class as well but she’d never been one to follow the standard ’no texting’ rule – or any rule, come to think of it. His phone vibrated in his pocket.

**From: Nicole**

_…._

_Wat kind ofbad? The ‘I-ate-a-piece-of-cake-that-someone-else-marked’ kind of bad? Or the ‘I-did something-illegal-and-I’m-probably- going-to-jail’ kind of bad?_

Phillip typed out a response. He knew what Nicole meant by the first one – she’d actually done that to him, on occasion; it was how he learned to never let her in his kitchen unsupervised. Phillip was too scared to ask about that second scenario, though. _That’s one can of worms, best left unopened_ he thought.

**To: Nicole**

_Uh… the ‘I may have told Bryan someone asked me for drugs, when they really didn’t because I didn’t want Bryan to know that I cheated on him’ kind of trouble?_

Phillip answered, already bracing for her reaction. She was going to _flip._

**From: Nicole**

_O_O_

_K, woah. Slow down there, Philly cheesesteak._

_Why don’t you start with the fact that you supposedly cheated on Bryan???_

Phillip admittedly laughed at the nickname, before he responded.

**To: Nicole**

_Uh so…this kid that I kinda had an on-again, off-again relationship came by the cabin after we broke up and he sorta…kissed me and did some stuff. I freaked out and told him to stop before it got too far though._

**From: Nicole**

_Uh-huh…Phillip, was this…consensual on your part? Did he stop when you wanted him to?_

That was Nicole for you; always making sure things were _actually_ what they seemed before going and pointing fingers. The redhead also knew that Phillip still thought himself partially responsible for the incident the previous year. So yes, she was concerned about her friend who had a problem with blaming himself – sue her.

Phillip stared at her response, confused. Of _course_ he’d been asking for it. After all, hadn’t it been his fault for being such a tease with Lukas for the past few weeks? Phillip told Nicole this - minus the name, of course. All the while, he sat feeling as if his world had been inverted. He described the incident to Nicole, after she asked for a play-by-play.

**From: Nicole**

_Phillip… that’s not consensual. Still though – he did stop himself from what you told me so at least he has that going for him. But… I think that you still need to clear this shit up with Bryan. :/_

Phillip stared at his screen, unsure of what he’d been expecting. She was right of course, as was the case 9 times out of 10 ever since the two of them had met in elementary school. He had to tell Bryan the truth. After all, now that Nicole had assured Phillip that what happened _wasn’t_ cheating Bryan wouldn’t be mad, right?

 But yet, Phillip couldn’t stop thinking about the first part of Nicole’s message. Was it true that…he might not have been to blame? It felt… weird. After the incident last year, he’d gone over it again and again in his head like a movie, eventually convincing himself that he _had_ been responsible in some way. It didn’t help that some kids from the party had put two and two together, and had started not leaving him alone.

_“You probably wanted it.”_

_“Fucking fag, making up some bullshit about being drugged. You queers are all the same – fucking lying whore.”_

_“Men don’t get raped.”_

Was…was this how Lukas felt? Always having opinions and insults shoved down your throat so often that you start to take them as fact? Always trying and _trying_ to shut them out – to not listen, but to no avail. Always telling yourself that it’s not true – that what they’re saying are _lies._ But you can’t help but think that maybe, just _maybe_ there is a smidgen of truth to their words, and it begins a downward spiral to eventually believing that the problem isn’t them… but _you_?

It was like looking out of your window the morning after it had snowed and seeing the ground covered in a blanket of white. Everything seemed so _different._ Don’t get him wrong – it’s not as though Phillip never understood Lukas before then. He had come out, he had experience homophobia too. But now… realizing that it might not even be everyone else’s opinions Lukas had to overcome but _his own,_ Phillip felt a rush of love and respect for the other boy. He couldn’t even fathom hating yourself that much and now – oh god, Phillip had probably just gone and made things a million times _worse_ with their break-up.

 _Shit._ He had to fix this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *evil laughter* Oh, next chapter will be fuuun ;D  
> By the way, I’m on tumblr now: kookyrainbows.tumblr.com so come uh… follow me, I guess? Is that the correct term? Or ask me a question, give me a Philkas prompt or… ya know, do whatever it is you do on tumblr I guess. 
> 
> Don’t forget to leave a comment and kudos! I love reading all the comments you guys leave, they make my day. :)
> 
> Oh and please do point out any spelling or grammar errors!


	8. Blank Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, Phillip. I – I need to talk to you.” The blonde declared. Phillip looked at him, uncertain.  
> “What about?” He quizzed, leaning on the lockers. Lukas looked at Phillip, then at Bryan.  
> “Do you think we could talk in private?” Lukas continued, side-eying the older brunette.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoopsy, sorry for the late update!
> 
> I've been dealing with some real life stuff this week, so I couldn't get around to updating till now. Sorry about that!

_‘Screaming, crying, perfect storms. I can make all the tables turn. Rose garden filled with thorns. Keep you second guessing like “Oh my god, who is he?” I get drunk on jealousy.” –_ Blank Space, Taylor Swift

 

Phillip spends the rest of the day tuned out of class. He gets lost in his own head, while occasionally stealing glances at the clock, willing it to move faster before the guilt ate him up. Occasionally he could see Bryan and Lukas trading dirty looks. If they hadn’t been in the middle of a history class, Phillip was sure the two would have already gone to blows.

The bell rang, and the students filed out into the halls. Phillip couldn’t have been more thankful for the annoying device, as he spotted his boyfriend waiting for him by his locker. _Good,_ he could clear up this shit, before it got out of hand.

“Hey, Phillip wait up!” A voice called out. _Oh no_ , he groaned as Lukas called out to him. Phillip figured that if he ignored the other boy long enough, he’d go away, so Phillip continued on to his locker, undeterred. He was wrong. Lukas caught up and placed a hand on the brunette’s shoulder. Bryan looked murderous.

“Hey, Phillip. I – I need to talk to you.” The blonde declared. Phillip looked at him, uncertain.

“What about?” He quizzed, leaning on the lockers. Lukas looked at Phillip, then at Bryan.

“Do you think we could talk in private?” Lukas continued, side-eying the older brunette. Bryan took a step forward before Phillip could say yes.

“Why? So you can try and beg for drugs again?” Bryan seethed. Lukas took a half-step back, confused.

“What?” The blonde asked, bewildered. _What the hell was the asshole on about?_ Phillip’s eyes widened. _Oh shit._ He tugged on Bryan’s arm.

“Hey, babe, come on. Let’s just leave it alone, okay?” Phillip begged. Bryan had a short-temper and it was only a matter of time before someone threw the first punch. The taller brunette reluctantly let Phillip pull him away.

“Let’s go grab some lunch,” Phillip suggested, as the pair turned their back on Lukas. Phillip looked over his shoulder, at the blonde as he walked away.

Phillip picked at his burger, while Bryan wolfed down his as the two sat in a small, hole-in-the-wall café. Phillips appetite diminished and his stomach was in knots. Bryan wiped his mouth, leaning back in his chair.

“Alright, what’s on your mind?” He quizzed. “It’s obvious that there’s something you want to say since you haven’t even touched your food. So, what’s up?”

Phillip took a deep breath. “I lied, about Lukas wanting to buy drugs.” He confessed, watching Bryan’s face. The other boy had a blank expression on his face. Phillip continued. “ The truth… is that Lukas and I, we were a thing. For a while at least. We broke up, but then Lukas showed up at the house over the weekend. He was pissed about us and…things got a bit out of hand.” Phillip finished, uncomfortable. Bryan’s eyebrows scrunched up.

“What do you mean, ‘out of hand’?” He asked slowly. Phillip suddenly found the ground very interesting to stare at.

“I…he kissed me. I told him to stop of course but, he didn’t and suddenly it was like I was back at that Halloween party, with that creep all over me. I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. He stopped, eventually and I told him to leave after that.” Phillip answered. Bryan stood up so quickly, the table rattled.

“I’m gonna kill him” The older brunette promised. Phillip looked at him, shocked. _That hadn’t been the reaction he was expecting._ He was expecting his boyfriend’s anger to be directed at _him_ , not at Lukas. Slamming some money down on the table for the food, Phillip raced after the other boy.

Phillip finally caught up to Bryan… just in time to see him march across the school lawn and punch Lukas right across the face, sending him sprawling to the ground. Lukas clutched his jaw in one hand and brought the other up under Bryan’s jaw. Phillip winced, as he heard a crack. By now, both boys were up and trading blows. A small crowd had even gathered.

_“Yeah, go Lukas!”_

_“Are you gonna take that shit, new kid?”_

Phillip could hear the taunts and cheers of the kids around him. He debated briefly getting in between the two but immediately decided against it. _Only an idiot gets between two people fighting_ , he thought. By now, both boys’ bodies were a canvas of bruises and blood and there was a steady trail of red coming down from Lukas’s nose. Lukas was wavering slightly on his feet – Bryan saw his chance and took it. He swung, hitting Lukas as hard as he could across his cheek. Lukas went down. He didn’t get up. Phillip felt his heart freeze.

“HEY! What is going on here?!” A shout rang across the courtyard. Students scattered like ants, as the gym teacher, Ms. Adler jogged across the lawn. Phillip ignored her, as he rushed over to the blonde boy on the ground.

“Lukas?” Phillip asked concerned. Belatedly, it occurred to him that people would talk but he couldn’t  
bring himself to care. He placed two fingers against Lukas’s neck, relieved somewhat when he found a pulse. Still, the blonde was unconscious and – _was that blood under his head?_

Ms. Adler came to a stop. “Is he okay?” She asked, putting the pieces of the situation together. Phillip shook his head.

“He needs help. His - his head is bleeding.” Phillip answered shakily. The teacher nodded.

“Take him to the nurse, then.” She replied. “You.” She turned to Bryan now, taking in his appearance. He was worse off as well, but it was clear that Lukas had taken the brunt of the injuries. “You go get checked out too, but afterward I want you and Lukas in the principal’s office. Understand?”

Ms. Adler was one of the harshest teachers at the school. No one in their right mind would be dumb enough to defy a request from her.

“Yes, ma’am,” Bryan replied.

He didn’t look at Phillip as he left. Surprisingly, Phillip found that didn’t bother him.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me the truth about what happened?” Bryan asks quietly when the two are sitting in the nurse’s office, waiting while she tends to Lukas. Phillip opens his mouth to respond, but his boyfriend holds up a hand.

“Why did you check to see if _Lukas_ was alright first, without even looking at me?”

Okay, now _that_ pissed Phillip off. He scoffed. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe because _you knocked him fucking unconscious?”_ Phillip seethed. Did Bryan _really_ think that Phillip was in the wrong, here?

“He-“ Bryan started.

“No.” Phillip interrupted. “Do you _honestly_ think that fucking beating him unconscious is okay?” Phillip questioned, not entirely sure that he wanted to hear the answer. Bryan stared at his lap, like a puppy who’d just been scolded. If the situation had been different, Phillip might find it funny. But as it was; with Lukas in the next room with a concussion and potentially in need of a hospital – Phillip didn’t see the humor. Bryan’s look told him all he needed to know.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Phillip badgered. His boyfriend’s head snapped up at that.

“Why didn’t _you_ just tell me the truth?!” He spat. Phillip let out a harsh bark of laughter.

“This is why!” He hissed, gesturing to the closed door of the school infirmary. “You just beat someone unconscious, Bryan! And even now, you won’t quit it with your stupid jealousy!”

Bryan glared at him. “He almost fucking ra- he fucking kissed you, _without_ your permission might I add, and you’re still defending him.” He pointed out.

“I can take care of myself. I’m not five.” The shorter brunette informed with a sneer. Bryan rolled his eyes.

“There you go again! _Why_ do you keep defending him?” The older boy yelled. Phillip was furious, the anger boiling underneath his skin now.

“Because I still like him!” Phillip shouted, without thinking.

There was a moment of stunned silence, as the words sank in for both of them.

After a beat, Bryan spoke up. “I guess I should have realized sooner, huh?” He groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. He tried to laugh it off, but his eyes were wet, and in them, Phillip could see a look of resigned acceptance. “I guess this means that we’re done, then.” He guessed, glancing at Phillip, who nodded, his words failing him.

“I figured…don’t worry – I won’t be that clingy ex who tries to win you back.” Bryan paused. “Again.”

Phillip looked at him, feeling guilty. _I’m sorry_ , he wanted to say. _You weren’t ever supposed to know._ But the words stuck and died on his tongue. Bryan fidgeted for a second.

“Just tell me, did I ever stand a chance?”

Phillip sighed. “I don’t know. I still liked you, Bryan. Still do, it’s just…” He trailed off.

“Just not as much as Mr. motocross in there, huh?” Bryan inquired, nodding towards the door. Phillip nodded.

The nurse’s office, opened as a woman poked her head out. “Well, he’s definitely got a concussion and I had to set his nose. He also has a few broken ribs and is still out but, you can stay with him if you want until he wakes up.” She announced, making her way down a short hallway.

“Give me one second, Bryan, was it? I’ll look you over in a minute. Phillip, you can visit your friend if you want, just go on in.” She called over her shoulder. When Phillip didn’t move Bryan nudged him.

“What are you waiting for? Go visit your boyfriend.” He whispered, nodding to the open room. Phillip hesitated only briefly before standing. At the last minute, he turned to Bryan and gave him one last, lingering kiss.

With that, Phillip ducked into Lukas’s room.

He pretended he didn’t hear the sniffling behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is what you’ve all been waiting for ;D…
> 
> Side note – I used ‘like’ instead of love for Phillip, cause they’re teenagers and I don’t think that you really know what love is when you’re a teenager.


	9. Get Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philip has broken things off with Bryan, after letting it slip that he still has feelings for Lukas. But not everything is  
> sunshine and roses for the two boys yet. As Philip learns that not everything is what it seems...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! I've been awake for like - 75% of the week :D! Ah, mania is a fun time...(not)
> 
>  
> 
> Don't forget to leave kudos and comment! Even if I don't respond, I promise I read EVERY comment. <3

_“I mean it when I said “I wanna get well, I wanna get well.” Are the rest of you so content? Stay where you are, but it hurts like help.” –_ Get Well, Icon for Hire

 

It’s Philip who first sees Lukas when he wakes up, groggy. For a few minutes, they both just sat there; Lukas, in one of the small shitty, hard-as-a-rock, school infirmary beds and Philip in a weak fold-out metal chair next to him.

Philip broke the silence, as the blonde took in his surroundings and fingered the bandages around his head. “I’m sorry – for what Bryan did, you know.”

Lukas managed a weak smile.

“It’s not your fault that your boyfriend went all psycho,” He croaked out. _But it is._ Philip keeps that thought to himself, as he watches Lukas look around to get his bearings.

“So, you gonna throw me out now? Afraid people will think you’re _gay_?” Philip jokes, trying to lighten the mood. His joke falls flat.

“No.” Lukas answers, propping himself up into a sitting position on the pillows behind him. “I kinda did some thinking and I… I’m done hiding.” The blonde decides. The brunette stares at him for a second, before he flashes the blonde a wry grin.

“That’s great. What made you change your mind?” The brunette asks. Lukas looks at him then – a face of seriousness replacing his smile.

“You.” He answers. “When you got sick of my shit and got back with that douche bag new kid, I finally realized that it wasn’t worth losing you.”

Philip felt his cheeks flush. He didn’t know how to respond to that. “Bryan and I broke up,” Philip confessed, not missing the hopeful look that lit up Lukas’s face. “I uh, I sorta let it slip that I still liked you and he didn’t like that.” The brunette elaborated further, tugging distractedly on the fraying hem of his hoodie.

“I’m sorry.” The blonde consoled, but Philip waves it off saying that they wouldn’t have lasted anyways. Philip and Bryan had both known that they were trying to rekindle a flame that had long since burned out.

A thought occurred to Lukas.

“Why did he flip out and attack me anyways?” The blonde asked, to no-one in particular. Philip nibbled on his lip.

“I told him about what happened over the weekend and he flipped.” The brunette mumbled out. Lukas furrowed his brows.

“You mean that I kissed you? Shit, I’m sorry – I-I didn’t know that it upset you that much.” Lukas rambles out apologies. Now Philip was confused. _Could Lukas have forgotten the rest of it?_

“Uh no – I meant the _other_ stuff.” Philip elaborated. Lukas blinked at him.

“Okay I may have hit my head but I _know_ I didn’t do anything other than kiss you. Just ask Gabe – he was there.” The blonde argued. Philip felt dizzy, the confusion making his head spin. Lukas reached out placing a hand on Philip’s knee.

“I swear – if this is your idea of a joke. It’s not funny, Lukas.” Philip forced out, as his throat started to constrict. His head was pounding and Philip doubled over in the chair. _What the hell was Lukas talking about?_

“Dude, you’re kinda scaring me here. Are you okay?” Lukas worried. Philip gripped his head, as a massive migraine came on.

“Tell me what happened,” Philip demanded – ignoring Lukas’s question. When Lukas just looked at him Philip repeated the request.

“Okay, I’m not sure why you want to know but…I came to the house. I was jealous and pissed about you and Bryan.” Lukas began and Philip nodded. _That part matched at least._

“Then, I kissed you and for a second you kissed me back – then you pushed me away and your face was pale white. You kinda doubled over, and you were shaking and breathing really hard and fast. I thought you were gonna hyperventilate. Then Gabe showed up again – because he forgot his phone. You blacked out as he pulled up. Once you blacked out, he carried you inside the house. I wanted to stay to make sure you were okay but he said that Bryan was going to be back soon so it would be fine if I left, so I did.” Lukas recounted, the concerned look never once leaving his face. “That’s what happened. You can ask Gabe if you want.” The blonde suggested.

Philip’s head hurt. _This was like a bad episode of the Twilight Zone,_ Philip bitterly thought. As he sat there, mulling over the blonde’s words he could vaguely remember the things that Lukas had said, as memories of the real thing mixed with his mind’s version. He found himself doubting what was real anymore. Absently the brunette glanced at the clock to see that it was about 3:30. He needed to get home for dinner and ask his foster parents about the incident.

Abruptly Philip stood up, the motion rocking the flimsy chair. Lukas opened his mouth to say something – most likely to ask what the fuck was going on but Philip didn’t give him a chance.

“I-I gotta get home for dinner. I’ll-I’ll text you later, okay?” Philip asked, already out the door before Lukas had a chance to answer – the image of those pitying blue eyes burned into his mind.

 *

As he sat down with Helen and Gabe at dinner, Philip found it best to just ask right away. Rip it off like a band-aid.

“Hey uh- what happened over the weekend – on Saturday I mean?” He asked casually, shoveling food into his mouth. Helen and Gabe shared a look that said, _I know what this is about_. Helen cleared her throat, putting her silverware down.

“Well… do you remember what you told me happened on Saturday, Philip?” She started, cautious – as though Philip was a wild animal that might be spooked. Philip remembered telling her a series of events – that he wasn’t even sure were _real_ now. _Great, now his foster parents thought he was nuts._ The brunette nodded. Thinking about it now, he could remember Helen just sort of going along with his story – the same way a parent might when a child whined about monsters underneath their bed. Philip could infer that Gabe had told her the real thing, so he figured he may as well not beat around the bush.

“That…didn’t really happen did it?” The boy asked, not sure if he wanted to hear the answer. This time, Gabe responded.

“The story you told Helen?  No, it didn’t Philip.” The man slowly explained. “For a while we admit – we may have thought that you knew it wasn’t the truth.” He continued. _Oh, so now they think I’m a liar._ This kept getting _better and better._

“But – then you never brought it up again and well… as time went on it occurred to us that, you might have thought it _did_ happen like you described.” Helen assured him. _And, now we’re back to crazy._ Philip could barely eat at this point – his stomach tangled in knots. It felt like his world – _his reality_ – was crashing down around him.

“I made the decision not to bring it up again because I thought it might cause another panic attack for you.” The sheriff finished. Philip pushed his plate away, his anxiety making eating too hard of a task.

“So, now you both think I’m a nutjob.” The brunette guessed. Gabe flashed him a supportive smile and reached over to place his hand over Philip’s where it rested on the table.

“We don’t think you’re a nutjob, Philip.”

“We just… think that you might need a bit of help.” Helen cut in, her face the picture of sympathy. Philip didn’t like where this was going but he motioned for them to continue anyway.

“Philip… you’re going to see a therapist.” Helen told him. Philip felt the world come crashing down around him. Flashes of white walls, padded rooms and whispers of “freak” flashed through his mind. _Oh god. He couldn’t breathe!_

Before he knew what he was doing, Philip pushed his chair back. Stomping over to the door he grabbed a jacket and his phone before heading out into the chilly night air – ignoring his foster parents’ shouts of protest.

* 

He walked for a long time, not knowing where he was going; just meandering down the dirt road- with no destination in mind. Philip wasn’t surprised when he found himself at Lukas’s house. He strode up to and knocked on the front door, groaning internally when Lukas’s dad answered it.

“Oh, it’s you.” The man greeted gruffly. _Yeah, fuck you too asshole,_ Philip thought but didn’t say.

“Is Lukas here? I need to talk to him about a school project.” Philip smoothly lied. Bo stared at him skeptically but instructed him out to the barn. Philip thanked him before rushing off to find the blonde.

He found Lukas in the barn, just as told. The blonde was messing around with his bike – the white bandages still wound around his head - when he heard Philip waltz up behind him, straw and dirt crunching under the brunette’s feet. He turned around.

“Hey.” Lukas greeted, flashing the brunette a small smile. “You…okay? You seemed kinda weird earlier.”

Philip looked away, shuffling his feet. “Honestly? No, I’m not.”

“Helen and Gabe made me an appointment with a therapist.” He blurted out. Lukas raised a brow, as he stopping fiddling with the bike to pay attention to Philip.

“Why?”

_Here it comes, the moment of truth,_ the brunette mused. Philip took a breath. “Because what you described happening on Saturday isn’t what I remember. Turns out I had it completely wrong.” Thinking back, Philip explained to Lukas the events that _he_ remembered. When he finished Lukas gaped at him.

“Jesus Philip, I’m not _that_ much of an asshole!” The blonde exclaimed, his voice somewhere between exasperated and offended.

“I know, I know,” Philip assured him. “It’s just – it seemed so _real._ ”

Lukas looked at him, concerned. “I… think I can see now how therapy might help.” He muttered. Philip grumbled, leaning against a wooden post.

“But… why did you, you know – imagine all that shit?” Lukas questioned, as though he thought Philip might have the answer. Philip stared at Lukas and for a second – the blonde’s face morphed into that of another with a blonde ponytail and dark, cold blue eyes. The brunette stumbled back in shock before he remembered who it was. _Lukas, not Jason_ , he assured himself. Philip swallowed.

“I might have an idea…but I-I don’t feel like talking about it just yet, alright?” _What would Lukas think if he found out? He’d find me disgusting,_ Philip thought. He couldn’t tell Lukas about Jason. Maybe not _ever._

Lukas awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, that’s understandable. Just… you know that you can uh tell me things right?” The other boy offered, his cheeks red. Philip nodded. The two stood there for a few minutes. Lukas went back to working on his bike while Philip was content enough to watch. After a while, Philip grabbed the blonde’s attention.

“Can I tell you something? I… the idea of therapy scares me. It’s just – someone knowing _everything_ about you and talking about ‘feelings’, just makes me uncomfortable.” The brunette confessed toeing at the ground with his sneakers. He stepped towards Lukas, looking up at the boy.

“Will you take me? Please? I’ll go if you take me.” Philip begged. He looked so uncharacteristically vulnerable in that moment. The blonde nodded. Lukas had never really been able to say no to Philip anyways.

“Okay, I’ll take you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone should probably tell Lukas that I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t be up and walking after you had a concussion…
> 
> Also for those wondering about what Lukas told Rose back in ch 3 – Lukas figured that Philip’s panic attack was due to something he did so that’s why he told Rose that he came onto Philip forcefully, cause he honestly thought that the kiss they shared caused Philip’s panic attack. I hope it makes sense the way I’m explaining it.
> 
> Very loosely based on real life stuff, btw – I haven’t experienced it to this extent but I HAVE remembered events that didn’t really happen.


	10. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philip and Lukas' lives after Philip's therapy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally here.... The ending! Don't be sad cause it's ending, though - I have a secret Christmas present fanfic coming up ;) and after that, I have another story planned (Hint: it's an AU)
> 
> With that said... Enjoy!

Philip smiled as he looked in the mirror; the dark purple robe flowed down past his knees. Behind him, a matching cap sat on his bed. This was it. The day every student dreams about. _Graduation Day._

It hadn’t been easy to get there. Last fall, Philip had started therapy and had finished only a week before his spring graduation. Lukas had gone with him every week, as promised. Some weeks were easy and others were harder. The other boy was always there to push Philip when he didn’t want to go – and provide support for when he did.

 _Lukas_. Now _that_ was an uncomfortable thought in itself.

The pair still danced awkwardly around one another – not quite sure where they stood with the other. Still - some days Philip thought he would have never been able to start therapy and get better, without the other boy right there. Speaking of which, Philip hadn’t seen his friend (?) since his last therapy session the week before. Philip tried to ignore the ache in his chest at that realization.

The brunette’s phone buzzed with a text.

**From: Nicole**

_Hey Philadelphia, you’d better believe I’m coming to ur graduation!!! Wher is ur school tho?_

His mood lifting slightly, Philip texted the girl directions.

**To: Nicole**

_You bringing your girlfriend too? Layla?_

_…_

**From: Nicole**

_Nah – we broke up last winter. So I am single and ready to mingle! ;D_

Philip started to type a reply to that but was interrupted by a knock on his door.

“Yeah?” He called.

“Hey, Philip… I got a visitor for you!” Helen’s voice called out. Puzzled, Philip told her to send the person up. His door opened seconds later, revealing a similarly clothed person with a familiar head of blonde hair. Lukas closed the door and immediately wrapped the surprised brunette in a hug.

“I can’t believe we’re graduating!” Lukas announced, bouncing on his feet like a kid at Christmas.

“Yeah, it’s uh – it’s pretty great,” Philip mumbled in agreement. Lukas’ good mood stopped.

“What’s wrong?”

The shorter boy rolled his eyes. “Are we just not gonna talk about the fact that you’ve been avoiding me for the past week?” Philip asked, peeved. Lukas at least had the decency to look sheepish.

“I thought – I thought you didn’t want to see me.” The blonde confessed. Philip let out a harsh bark of laughter.

“I thought _you_ didn’t want to see _me._ I thought that… maybe now that you knew about how I was almost raped, you found me dirty and disgusting.” Philip said.

“No, of course not!” Lukas protested. “I –“ He broke off, suddenly realizing that they’d both spent the past week thinking the other didn’t want to see them. Lukas could help but start laughing,  pretty soon Philip joined in as well.

After a few minutes, the boys’ giggles subsided.

“So… where does this leave us now?” Lukas questioned, looking at Philip. The brunette didn’t meet his gaze for a minute.

“Do… do you still want me? Even if – Lukas, I still don’t think I’m ready for sex yet and I really don’t know if I ever will be. Even then?” Philip asked. Lukas glanced away.

“I- I don’t know. Let me think about it.” Lukas answered. Philip swallowed around the lump in his throat but nodded.

“But for right now…” Lukas trailed off, grabbing Philip’s cap and fixing it on his head. “Let’s go graduate!”

***

Hours later, Lukas’ words still weighed heavily on Philip’s mind as the class stood from their seats and lined up to walk across the stage. Philip saw Lukas run out of line and dash over to where the principle stood. He whispered something in the woman’s ear that made her smile and nod. The blonde raced back over – and got in line behind Philip.

“What are you doing?!” The brunette hissed, turning around. “We’re supposed to be in alphabetical order, _Waldenbeck._ ” Philip pointed out adding extra emphasis on the ‘W’. Lukas smiled at him. Philip hated how that smile still made his heart skip _damn it._

“Relax; I know what I’m doing.” The blonde assured in a whisper. Philip didn’t believe him but let the matter go.

Philip’s name was called and he went up to receive his diploma. As he walked to the middle of the stage to shake their principal’s hand, the brunette heard Lukas’ name being called behind him. Philip moved to walk off of the stage but a hand on his wrist pulled him back.

Philip spun around, only to be met with… Lukas’ lips. Lukas was kissing him. On stage. In front of _the whole school._ The brunette reached out and hesitantly threw his arms around the blonde’s neck kissing back. The crowd was going wild – mostly with cheers. There were hecklers of course, but Philip didn’t pay attention to them. In the crowd, Philip could make out a few distinct voices.

 _“THAT’S MY BEST FRIEND! FUCK YEAH!”_ That was Nicole.

 _“Whoo! Get it Lukas!”_ Was that... Rose?

 _“I knew it! Whoo!”_ Oh god… someone tell Philip that _wasn’t_ his foster mom. The brunette felt his face heat in embarrassment.

Philip and Lukas pulled apart, breathing heavily. Lukas leaned his forehead on Philip’s.

“Was that enough of an answer?”

 

There was fallout, of course. _Oh was there fallout._ The moment the ceremony had ended the pair came face-to-face with none other than Lukas’ Dad. The man did _not_ look happy. Lukas’ face portrayed nothing but he had Philip’s hand in a death-grip.

“Well, I don’t suppose you want to explain that little stunt to me, Lukas?” The man asked with folded arms. The blonde swallowed.

“I-I’m gay, Dad. This is Philip… my boyfriend.” Lukas introduced, though the man already knew Philip. The man let out a sigh, rubbing his hands over his face.

“Alright look – I’m not going to pretend that I understand… _this.”_ He gestured to the boys. “I just don’t get why you would choose this, Lukas. Was it me? Did I – did I do something wrong when raising you?”

Philip knew the heartbroken look on Lukas’ face all too well. He wanted to speak up for the blonde, to _defend_ him, but Philip knew enough to keep quiet. This was Lukas’ battle to fight. The blonde squared his shoulders.

“I didn’t _choose_ to be gay, Dad! And I sure as hell am not any worse of a person for it!” Lukas retorted. Philip stared at the other boy, surprised. _Where the hell had that come from?_ Bo glowered at the two.

“Look, maybe you should just stay at Philip’s place for tonight, Lukas.”

The blonde looked at him, stunned. He opened his mouth to respond. _Was his dad kicking him out?_

“Well I uh – I think your friends want to talk to you so, I’ll leave you be. Congratulations.” Bo awkwardly clapped his son on the shoulder before walking off.

“Don’t worry – if he loves you, he’ll come around eventually.” A voice assured. Both boys spun around to see a tall girl in a teal dress, with fiery red curls tumbling over her shoulders grinning at them. Philip grinned back at her. Lukas could still hear his father’s words bouncing around in his head, but he pushed them aside for now. He would _not_ let one fight with his dad ruin his graduation day.

“Nicole, you made!” Philip smiled, wrapping the girl in a hug. She laughed, loud and boisterous.

“I told you I would.” She said, rolling her brown eyes. “So… who’s blondie here?” She gestured to Lukas.

“This is Lukas,” Philip announced. “Lukas, this is my best friend from the city, Nicole.”

Nicole shook Lukas’ hand, her eyes twinkling mischievously. “Oh, so it’s _that_ Lukas then.” She waggled her eyebrows at Philip. A familiar figure strode up to the trio, fighting her way through the hordes of people.

“Hey.” Rose greeted. “That stunt you guys pulled? That was awesome. People won’t stop talking about ‘the guts it must have taken to do that.’ The girl informed them. Philip grimaced.

“Yeah… by the way, I’m sorry for kind of being a dick to you, Rose.” The brunette awkwardly apologized.

“Ah don’t worry about it – I was a bitch to you too so it all evens out. Water under the bridge, yeah?” She suggested. While Rose turned to talk to Lukas, Philip felt a nudge to his arm.

“Who’s your friend?” Nicole whispered. Philip could see her awkwardly fidget with her hair – a nervous habit of hers.

“That’s Rose. She’s Lukas’ ex.” He explained, not missing how bright she looked at that last part.

“So she’s single then?”

“I don’t know, maybe.”

“And… what might my chances be?”

“Hm… she keeps sneaking glances at you so it’s worth a shot.”

The red head waltzed over to talk to the other girl while Philip discreetly pulled his boyfriend away, leaving the two alone.

 Just when Lukas thought they were done with any human interaction for the day – Helen and Gabe approached them. The couple didn’t even try to hide the grins on their faces. They said their ‘congratulations’ and got the standard ‘plans for the future’ questions out of the way before they asked what they really wanted to.

“So… Philip is there something you want to tell us?” Helen inquired. The boy groaned.

“Lukas is my boyfriend.” He confessed. Helen and Gabe exchanged a look that said ‘ _I knew it’._ Philip pulled his foster parents aside and explained Lukas’ situation. He told them the hurtful words Bo had hurled at his son and essentially kicked him out.

Helen assured the blonde that he could stay with them.

“He _will_ come around. He loves you Lukas, the man just needs some time.”

Meanwhile, Lukas was still shocked. It wasn’t anything different that the reaction he expected, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. Still… the blonde looked at Philip, smiling and laughing. _It was worth it. I’d do it again in a heartbeat, if it meant not losing you, Philip_.

*

**2 years later…**

“Babe… you’re gonna be late for your psychology class.” A voice whispered into Philip’s ear. The brunette shot up in his bed, nearly knocking his boyfriend on the forehead in the process.

“Shit!”

Lukas laughed quietly as he watched his boyfriend dash around their dorm. _Boyfriend._ He still couldn’t help the giddy smile he got when he called Philip that. The pair had come a long way in the two years they’d been together.

Philip still wasn’t quite comfortable with sex but he was getting there, and Lukas always assured him that it was fine even if he didn’t _ever_ want sex.

Much to everyone else’s assurances, Lukas’ dad _had_ come around – and had allowed Lukas to come home after about a week of stay at Philip’s. The man still didn’t _quite_ understand but he was trying, and that was enough for Lukas.

As for Rose? When her Facebook relationship status changed to, “In a Relationship with Nicole” Philip hadn’t shut up about his ‘match-making skills’ for a week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Sneezes* I think I'm allergic to fluff
> 
> Hope you liked that. Don't forget to leave a comment and kudos! Thank you all so much for reading this story and leaving such encouraging comments and kudos - I don't think this would have gotten finished without you guys. So thank you so much <3


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